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FAQ for Parents

Your Enneagram related questions about parenting answered here:

FAQ for Parents helps you to use the Enneagrams to help you be a better parent. This can be enormously helpful, because you can understand how your child think, feels and acts. Similarly, you can understand their deepest fears and driving desires. Consequently the Enneagram wisdom can improve your parenting skills.

In FAQ for Parents, I’ve compiled some frequently asked questions here, but feel free to email me any you may have on my Contacts Page

Mother with her baby playing with pet on the floor at the kitchen at home

Is my child’s Enneagram type a result of Nature or Nurture?

Each of us is born as one type. This type remains constant throughout our lives. It shows us how we navigate the world. Our type is not formed by our upbringing, but rather our childhood experiences are due to our type. Which is not to say that all type X’s are going to have certain experiences, but how they experience what is happening to them will have a similar thread. Not necessarily in the way they manifest, but more through issues such as feeling overlooked, or growing up in a conflict-ridden household etc.

While it doesn’t play a role in type, nurture does plays a role in the child’s emotional health. Unhealthy or disintegrated emotional and mental states may be due to more traumatic childhoods. (See explanation of disintegration below.)

illustration demonstrating enneagram integration

How do I raise my daughter or son to be their very best selves?

Once we are aware of our child’s type, we can recognise behaviour that is less healthy. As a result, we can encourage healthier emotional and mental states. For instance, a Type One child, often referred to as The Perfectionist, can be encouraged to be less critical of themselves and other kids and be more accepting. Likewise a Peacemaker Type Nine child could be encouraged to voice their own opinion, rather than say what will please.

Should I tell my child what type I think they are?

The answer to this is simply “No.” The reason being that children are easily influenced by their piers. So, they may copy behaviour that is not theirs. You may also start to expect certain behaviour from, them believing them to be a type. They may feel they need to act a certain way to fit your expectations. Consequently, its best to leave typing alone for kids, and just become aware of certain possible types they may in time find themselves to be. For instance, we believed my daughter to be a certain type, only to find out as she grew older that she had that type as a wing.